INSPIRING LIFE SCHOOL PODCAST
EPISODE 59 – I DARE YOU
INSPIRING LIFE SCHOOL PODCAST
EPISODE 59 – I DARE YOU
WELCOME TO THIS EPISODE WHICH IS ALL ABOUT THE DARE APPROACH
Welcome my friends to this podcast episode which is titled I DARE YOU.
Now I have genuinely never, ever been more excited to record an episode than this one because it feels like something I am absolutely bursting to share with you all.
So as you all know I am slightly obsessed with productivity, goal-setting, dreaming big etc and I have always wondered why other people sometimes fail to do what they say they will do.
You probably all know someone who is like that or maybe you are even a bit like that yourself.
You have a dream, it sounds beautiful but night after night you find yourself sitting down to binge-watch another Netflix series rather than actually starting.
Does that sound familiar?
I know I myself was like that once too.
And I’ve been really studying this lately especially in the realm of blogging because that is what I have spent the last few years doing – blogging my heart out at my parenting website InspiringLifeDreams and my personal development website DreamBigMyFriend.com which is actually only one year old.
So I see these bloggers who sort of stay stuck or have a desire to move forward and yet don’t know how and – me being me – I want to do everything I can to help them advance and succeed.
I share with them all my secrets, I am literally an open book when it comes to my journey, I have created so many products where I literally spell out exactly how I did everything I have done so far like write 20 blog posts every month without fail for 18 months, and how I would write a book with zero stress within 30 days even though I can do it so much quicker now and even how to launch a podcast in just 10 days which is what I myself did with this podcast.
I’ve given away my secrets in so many ways and yet there are so many people who either ignore the advice or read it and still stay stuck.
And to be fair I don’t see this happening just in bloggers.
In fact most bloggers are better practiced go–getters than ordinary folk who haven’t even dared to start a blog yet.
They are the people who sort of glide through life as if they are floating down a stream, not really paying attention to what direction they are floating because they feel like its the river that’s in charge.
They don’t seem to understand that they could swim to the side and get out of that river and stand on dry land.
They don’t understand they could improve their swimming strokes or climb onto a raft or throw down an anchor or do something different rather than floating their way through life with zero intention or focus.
So when I started to think about this deeply I realised that all the information that has ever been written on SMART goals doesn’t really matter if you don’t follow through on them.
All the planning tips don’t count either if you aren’t executing that plan.
I could speak until my face is blue about productivity and goal-setting and how life is short and time is precious but if you don’t follow the steps I’m about to outline for you in my DARE formula who are going to stay stuck.
Now bear with me because this DARE APPROACH I am about to speak about was something I created just recently.
It came to me in a really clear and defined way, like a serious Oprah AHA moment, because I too sometimes struggle with goal execution in different areas of my life – for example being consistent with exercise – and this approach seemed to solve all that angst for me.
I’m sure I will go off and dive much deeper into elaborating how to make this work for you in a book or course but for now, here is what is sitting on my heart re:this new revelation for me.
Let’s start with D which stands for DECIDE.
If you have listened to my podcast episode on JUST DECIDE you will know that once upon a time making decisions was difficult for me and now I’m a decision-making ninja – well I’m that way in my business but it turns out in the areas I was neglecting in my life the reason I wasn’t moving forward was I simply wasn’t DECIDING what I want to do.
When you DECIDE what you want to do today in the area of business or your relationships or your health, you quit throwing around a hundred and one ideas about all the cool things you could try, you quit umming and ahhing, you quit procrastinating and putting things off and you just DECIDE to do that one thing. You make a decision and you commit to it.
You decide today I will take this ONE ACTION.
That’s all you need to commit to.
No worrying about your long-term goals or anything like that.
Look instead inside your heart and ask yourself what do you need to do to move forward in life?
What is your next right step?
What is one thing you could commit to doing that will take you a little bit outside your comfort zone?
That will stretch you and that doesn’t come naturally to you but you know that if you did it you would be so proud of yourself?
Just one thing….
So if I was to use myself as an example I might decide that in my business that today I will email 3 potential podcast guests – that’s something that would definitely stretch me but not stretch me so much that I break.
For my health I could decide to go for a 2k run or drink 2 litres of water – once again not impossible and if it’s too much I could decide to start smaller.
If I wanted to work on my relationships I could decide I will go out for a walk with my partner – something easy to do but stretchy when the days are busy – or bake cookies with my kids which once again is easy to do but stretchy if we have a busy afternoon.
For my new book I could decide to write 2000 words – once again something I might not have chosen to do for another month or so but I could just DECIDE to do it today because any of these decisions would improve my business, improve my health and improve my relationships.
So that is step number 1 just DECIDE.
Find one stretchy thing you can commit to doing today.
Only one or if you are super ambitious you might take up a DOUBLE DARE and do two stretchy things but that’s it.
I encourage you to first master DECIDING on one thing before you move onto two.
So many people can’t even get their brains to commit to one thing so that is what I am pushing you to do.
Stop making excuses, stop staying stuck in the land of confusion.
Confusion is an indulgent emotion that only holds you back.
It keeps you from moving forward.
So stop saying you don’t know what to do.
You are an adult and it’s your job to work out what to do.
Pick something, pick anything, you can always change your mind later on but for now I want you to DECIDE on one – only one – thing you can do today.
Which brings us to the A part of the word DARE.
In case you haven’t guessed it, it stands for ACT.
Now that you have decided you want to do something, you need to take action.
Just like so many people get stuck on making decisions, even more fail to take action.
The thing that I love about my new simple DARE approach is that you have already decided to do something that felt right to do, that your heart and mind were telling you that you would benefit from doing.
Ideally the action should feel as if it’s a little bit outside your comfort zone, we want it to feel a little uncomfortable to do as that’s how you know you are stretching yourself.
To test it out in the decision making phase see how far you can stretch the task out before it feels too awkward.
For example if I wanted to try to be healthier I might set the goal of being sugar free for the day.
That is, I would decide that for one day I will be sugar free.
Could I do just one day?
Sure.
If I said just the morning that would be easy but if I said the whole day that would be stretchy which makes it a perfect decision to follow through on.
But if I said my plan was to be sugar free and flour free for one day – nope that probably wouldn’t work.
That elastic stretchy band might break.
So decide on something that stretches you but won’t break you and then act on it.
I encourage you to act on it even if you don’t want to do it, even if you don’t feel like doing it, even if you later change your mind. It’s only ONE DAY…just take action.
I might add here that I think it’s weird that people think they have to love everything they do.
We’re like “oh but I don’t feel like doing it.” But who says you have to feel like doing it?
Think back to when your kids were young if you are a parent – we didn’t really feel like waking up multiple times in the middle of the night to feed our babies but we did it anyway.
We don’t really feel like cleaning up vomit from a sick child but we do it anyway.
We don’t always feel like picking up dog poop or doing chores or waking up early to go to work etc but we do it all because it is for our higher good and our future self will thank us for it.
So less brain chatter about that stuff.
Sometimes a good enough reason to do something is because it needs to be done or it will help you grow or because I SAID DO.
I said I would do it and I don’t flake out on myself.
I honor my decisions, I honor my commitments and hey in this DARE approach I am suggesting it is only for one day.
You can decide to do something different tomorrow but take action today as per your set decision.
Which brings us to the R of the DARE word which is REFLECT.
At the end of the night I want you to review how you went that day and really reflect on it.
How did you go?
Did you feel good stretching yourself?
Did you feel uncomfortable and if so in what ways?
Would you make the same decision again?
This is not a time for you to beat yourself up if you didn’t follow through in the way you hoped you would. Instead be curious.
What got in your way?
How could you make it easier to follow through next time?
Congratulate yourself simply for giving it a go and give yourself a massive high five if you did manage to stick to your decisions.
Reflecting is simply a moment to ask yourself questions and work out how you can continue to grow and stretch yourself more each day.
Which brings us to the last letter of DARE which is EXPERIMENT.
Experimenting is another thing I have noticed that people don’t particularly love to do.
They like to do things they have always done but we all know that quote right?
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten.
After you have DECIDED, ACTED AND REFLECTED at the end of the day, it’s time to experiment.
Consider yourself to be like a scientist – can you change any of the variables of the experiment next time to get an even better outcome or do you want to stick with what you are doing?
Let’s just say in the example of me running 2km and don’t laugh because I am not a runner so running 2K would be an effort for me.
If I was to experiment after my reflection I might decide – you know what?
2K was actually really easy for me so tomorrow I might decide to run 2.5K.
Or another very real possibility – maybe the results of my experiment weren’t so great so I decide running 2K is too much for me, I’m not yet at that level so instead the next time I go I will just aim to run 1KM non-stop and do that until my body has gotten used to that shorter distance.
In the EXPERIMENT phase you are willing to do things differently, you are willing to slow down or speed up depending on your stretchy limits.
Remember we always want to be stretching ourselves so we feel a little uncomfortable but not so uncomfortable that the elastic breaks.
I’ve seen so many people think that there’s only one set way to grow a business or get traffic to their website or lose weight or parent a child or nurture a relationship and there’s not. Be willing to explore different options.
This might require research on your behalf and that’s okay to do as long as you know that after one we are back at square one of the DARE APPROACH which is to DECIDE.
Tomorrow we make a new decision, we act on it and in the evening we reflect and open my mind to the idea of experimenting if necessary to move us forward.
I should note here that when we experiment we might intentionally do the same thing again tomorrow because it worked and we aren’t ready for anything more stretchy yet and that’s okay.
Experimenting simply means you are willing to do things differently if necessary.
This is why I didn’t choose “examine” or “evaluate” your results for the E letter.
I don’t want you to do anything too deep after your reflection. I don’t want you to get bogged down by analysing and overthinking.
Reflect and then decide how you are experiment more with stepping outside your comfort zone tomorrow.
And there you have it.
My newly created DARE approach which I am so excited to start embracing on a daily basis.
All it involves is you first DECIDING – you make a decision for the day, then ACTING – you do what you said you will do, then REFLECTING – in the evening you reviewing your progress and results and finally EXPERIMENTING – consider if you need to do something different to keep growing tomorrow.
After that it’s rinse and repeat: DECIDE, ACT, REFLECT and EXPERIMENT.
I have tested it out with so many different goals to see if this progress would still work and it really does.
So I dare you to try it and once you are good at it you can do a DOUBLE DARE – make two decisions that you will follow through on but that’s really it.
It’s so simple – I feel like this DARE Approach will be a game-changer in my life.
It requires you to stop making excuses, stop whinging and complaining, stop delaying, stop procrastinating, stop second-guessing yourself and instead find ONE THING you can commit to doing and just DECIDE you will do it.
That’s all you need to do – DECIDE.
You don’t need to commit to doing it forever, you know the E part of the word gives you the freedom to experiment but each day pick one thing you can commit to doing.
So every morning when you wake up think about this word DARE.
Dare yourself to try it. DECIDE, ACT, REFLECT and EXPERIMENT.
Don’t you guys think it’s sooo good too?
I seriously love this approach so much.
Make sure to check out my website DreamBigMyFriend too because I am sure in the future I will be creating something to help you action this each day with simplicity and ease.
Until next time, take care, you know I love and appreciate you all and thank you so much for being here with me.
As always, dream big my friend.
Frances xx
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Hey, I’m Frances Vidakovic! I help you live a richer, lighter life while pursuing dreamy goals – without sacrificing your soul, sanity or family life. 🫶🏻 Author. Coach. Course Creator. DON’T DIE UNHAPPY! → Wake up. Do what matters. Savour it all 🌷