INSPIRING LIFE SCHOOL PODCAST
EPISODE 6
3 HURDLES OF YOUR DREAMS
INSPIRING LIFE SCHOOL PODCAST
EPISODE 6 TRANSCRIPT:
3 HURDLES TO YOUR DREAMS
Welcome my friends to this episode where we will be looking at constructive ways to slash your dream-killer monster.
I have to be honest with you – if you aren’t living a life you love or you have dreams that are still buried deep within you, dreams that have never seen the light of day then something is holding you back.
I am going to call this “thing” your dream-killer monster even though the truth is thing so-called monster could actually have a more familiar name such as fear or lack of confidence or your inner critical voice or caring too much what other people think.
But let’s not worry too much about what is behind the dream-killer monster costume just yet – we will look at that later.
All I know and all you need to know for now is that something isn’t quite right in your life, you feel frustrated, unfulfilled, maybe even in pain, and I want to help you do something about that.
My goal during this episode is to help you slay those things that are holding you back so that you are finally free from its grasp and you can go off and achieve the goals that set your heart on fire.
I want you to think now about the dreams you had as a child.
Can you remember a time when your life still felt full of potential?
Maybe you proudly stated to your parents that you wanted to be a fashion designer or famous author and it never crossed your mind that that you couldn’t hold that dream in your hands.
Back then your life ahead felt like a stretched out blank canvas upon which you could paint whatever beautiful picture you wished.
It never crossed your mind that other people might trod all over that canvas with dirty footprints or graffiti it with rubbish or rip it apart or that it might blow away with the wind.
Back then it wasn’t an option that people could have dreams and they didn’t come true.
Even if you didn’t have the perfect childhood you still wished and hoped that better days were ahead.
If this story rings true I want to ask you – what happened in between then and now? What got in your own way?
Describe to me exactly what your dream-killer monster looks like – does it have more than one face – because I’m going to be honest – everyone’s not-so-favorite saboteur actually looks different.
If it’s okay I’d love to share with you my own story.
As a child I dreamed of becoming an author – I couldn’t think of a more fabulous job in the world than writing books.
I was the sort of kid that would beg my mom to take me to the library every Saturday so I could get a fresh stack of books.
My parents would scold me for bringing yet another book to the dinner table because I couldn’t bear the thought of pressing pause in the middle of an exciting story and at night I would hide beneath my blankets with a book and torch in hand to keep reading long after bedtime.
Now you would think that this would be a simple goal to achieve for a book-nerd like me but nope, as I entered my teenage years I was told often that:
1 – Writing wasn’t a real job
2 – Writers didn’t make any money
3 – It was impossible to make this a career and finally
4 – I was too smart to waste my future on a “hobby” and should instead study a “real” degree.
So by the time I reached that fork in the road – deciding what degree to pursue at university I was brainwashed in thinking being a writer was a fantasy job so I opted for the “safe” and “secure” option of psychology instead of journalism which thankfully I still loved.
It was an excellent backup choice for someone who was obsessed with the study of the human mind like me and who loved trying to work out what made people tick.
I eventually fell into the business of life coaching soon after it became a thing back in 2000 and before I knew it my business was successfully helping client after client reach extraordinary goals.
By then my own dream of being a writer was long forgotten and lay buried inside a box at the back of the cupboard at my parent’s house.
This memory box of dreams contained approximately ten kilos worth of diaries, stories, poems and most notably a long-ago abandoned book manuscript that still sat unfinished.
But out of sight soon became out of mind.
I happily coached client after client to achieve their dreams even though ironically I wasn’t chasing my own.
It wasn’t until much later that I had a client who hoped to score a book publishing deal within 3 months that my life was jolted to the core.
He set a goal and suddenly I felt jealous and realized that it was a goal I wanted for myself.
Soon after our coaching series, he did indeed get that publishing deal and when the book came later maybe months or a year later he sent me a copy and I discovered he had put a dedication in the front for me.
I have to admit that my heart broke then and I felt like such a hypocrite, encouraging my clients to chase their dreams while I ignored my own.
So I slowly started writing again then – by then my kids were born so I was squeezing in whatever writing I could in between naps and when I wasn’t feeling like a totally sleep deprived stay at home mom.
I would write a little each day or whenever I remembered to but of course it is one thing to be a secret writer and yet another to be a published author.
That one realization is what really lit the fire inside my belly and it forever changed things for me – knowing I was getting older, knowing I wasn’t going to be on this Earth together, knowing that I wanted to set a good example for my kids,
If you are a little older like me, then you have probably sensed that feeling of regret of wasted time and wasted opportunities.
But you need to know it is never, ever too late to be what you want to be.
So let’s move onto discussing the first thing that is possibly standing in your way right now – that crappy feeling of discomfort.
I know, I know, even if staying in your comfort zone has gotten you nowhere so far, it still feels safe and secure, warm and fuzzy in this safe space.
But I’m going to give you some harsh tough love advice and I hope you don’t get offended.
That place where you feel so comfortable – it really isn’t so comfortable for you in the long run, and the only reason you don’t know that is because you haven’t ventured out to try something different.
They say life begins at the end of our comfort zone and that it’s actually outside this comfortable, effortlessly easy space where all the magic happens.
It’s where you will make your dreams actually happen.
And that feeling of discomfort that so many of us try to avoid is so often feared even though the good kind is the sort that comes with growth.
Let’s talk for a second about the two types of discomfort – the one you should embrace and one you should ideally avoid.
If you are familiar with the phrase short term pain equals long term pain you will know that this pain they are referring to = discomfort but it is a feeling of discomfort that leads to long-term pleasure or rewards.
The discomfort of making a sacrifice or physically challenging your body or working hard to achieve a lifelong dream is not the same discomfort as the feeling of regret, guilt, shame and worry.
To achieve anything special in life you need to get used to that uncomfortable feeling of growth.
ANY DISCOMFORT THAT IS HELPING YOU REACH YOUR LONG TERM GOALS IS A GOOD KIND OF DISCOMFORT!
Remember the good kind of discomfort will ultimately helps you grow and takes you closer to your goals.
So please I encourage you to embrace this kind of discomfort – don’t be scared of it!
Get comfortable with this kind of good discomfort otherwise you will end up with the alternative kind filled with regret and a different sort of pain – a pain of longing and wishing you had in fact tried.
In order to grow, in order to become stronger, you will 100% need to step out of your comfort zone.
As they say = a comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing ever grows there.
If you want something you never had, then you have got to do something you have never done.
Yes it will involve some discomfort but it’s a good kind – the kind that helps you grow and like a caterpillar transforming into a gorgeous butterfly it will be so worth it in the end.
So this hurdle is all about embracing the good discomfort by stepping outside your comfort zone.
NOW FOR HURDLE NUMBER 2:
Now we are going to look at one of the biggest hurdles to our goals and that’s our mindset – yes!
You have probably heard all the inspirational quotes before:
- Once your mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it.
- If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
- Or how about this one – it’s not the mountain we must conquer but ourselves?
Many of us underestimate the true power of my mind to help us get to where we need to go.
Be honest with yourself for a moment.
What has really held you back from living to your true potential?
Try to come up with five quick answers now and I’m happy to wait patiently while you think about your response.
Okay so have you given it some thought?
Let me put myself in your shoes for a second because as I mentioned before, even though I had this amazing career as a life coach, for many years I wasn’t actually fulfilling my own real dream of becoming an author.
I had dreamed about being an author since I was a little girl.
And even though I still quietly wrote books as I grew older, it was always still a secret thing, that I didn’t dare tell anyone about in case they popped my bubble inside which my dreams lived inside.
Which is quite ironic because I wasn’t doing anything about those dreams myself and what use is a dream to you if you keep it locked inside a bubble and don’t set it free?
It honestly took me until 2016 to really say enough is enough, my time is now and by this point I was 40 and so, so annoyed with myself for WASTING SO MUCH TIME AND SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES.
When I finally opened that door, my dreams came scurrying out like it was a racehorse hearing a bang – they took off racing like they were petrified it might be locked up and forgotten about in the stable for another few decades.
And this time it was going for the win.
I published all the books I had kept hidden until then and published another 8 books that year and now a few years later I have 20 books published.
I also started a blog that was crazily successful in its first year of launching with over 1 million pageviews clocked in during 2018 and another million pageviews in the following 7 months.
I feel so wide awake to my potential now as opposed to all those years I lived in limbo land.
So what exactly held me back back then?
If I had to identify just five things I would say it was fear of failure, a fear of success, a lack of confidence, procrastination and thinking I had all the time in the world to do what I wanted to do when in fact life is short and our time here on earth is limited.
What about you?
What did you identify as the main things that held you back?
Was it a lack of resources, or insecurity or fear or worry or negativity or too much other stresses in your life?
Whatever the case I think it is so important to note what the actual hurdle is because you can’t get over any problem that you have trouble identifying?
No matter what your age I’m sure you have worked out that challenges, change and hurdles are a normal part of life.
And yep, in case you haven’t guessed, “challenges” is really just another way of saying: “things that stuff up our day,” “problems that ruin our good mood”, “headaches”, “stresses” etc.
Now here’s a bitter pill for you to swallow:
There is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
Whether you like it or not challenges are going to keep coming right at you and sometimes even multiply as you get older.
So now that we have established that challenges are here to stay FOREVER we can move on to working out how to deal with them.
You have two choices every time you face a challenge.
You can either:
a) Face it head on or
b) Ignore the issue and pretend it isn’t there.
This is something that can be addressed from the level of mindset because once your mindset is strong and in check you can do literally anything, in fact you become unstoppable.
In fact when those problems pop up, you view them just another hurdle to jump over instead of letting them stop you chasing your dreams for 20 years or more.
The truth is you are always either part of the problem or part of the solution.
You can either make excuses about why something can’t be done or kick those excuses to the curb and just do what needs to be done in spite of those excuses.
When you have the right mindset, you do things even when you don’t feel like doing them and you don’t let anything get in your way.
Are you with me on this?
Now I think it’s time to address the biggest elephant in the room and that is definitely FEAR.
Even though we can’t tackle every mindset issue in this short video I think fear is an important one to address because it comes in so many different forms.
There are so many different types of fear that a person can suffer from such as a fear of success, fear of failure, fear of commitment, fear of the unknown, fear of being judged, feel of inadequacy, fear of not being in control, fear of change, fear of missing out, fear of rejection, fear of getting hurt and so on.
What we need to know about this healthy mindset obstacle is that feeling fear is totally normal.
Yes it’s true.
There isn’t a person in this world that doesn’t experience fear on some level.
Fear isn’t always a terrible feeling.
We all feel it at time.
It exists to help us avoid dangerous situations.
It can help protect us.
It isn’t a sign of weakness but just a normal brain function.
I mention this to you so that you don’t think you are “less than” when the feeling of fear pops up for you.
And the same goes for feeling a lack of confidence or insecurity etc.
Resisting fear is a waste of time.
However the trick is working out how to process that feeling when it comes up for you.
Like many people in this world I have been afraid of many things in my life and seriously felt the consequences of fear.
At times I have allowed this fear to immobilise me, defeat me and keep me trapped in the same spot for way too long, filled with a sense of regret, shame and pain.
Then one day I heard the phrase: fear is a one-sided fence and the truth bomb starting flashing straight away.
These five words so eloquently summarise the truth about fear.
Fear is nothing more than an obstacle that stands in the way of our progress.
We need to overcome our fears in order to move forward because everything we want is on the other side of that fear.
It is only when we make it to the other side and look back at this fence that we realise the truth.
The thing we feared the most in life is actually gone!
Fear doesn’t even exist on this other side.
It was just a feeling and we can get over it, simply by taking a leap over that metaphorical fence.
You need to recognize that fear is not real – it is simply a product of the thoughts you create and living in fear is not living at all.
Don’t let your fear of what could happen make NOTHING happen. I’m going to be honest here, feeling fearful sucks, especially if it’s due to PERCEIVED THREAT THAT DOESN’T REALLY EXIST.
The psychology of fear is a very primitive, emotional response.
And whilst it sometimes works in your favor, let’s be honest now, most of the time it simply holds you back in life.
So ask yourself now: what are you so scared of?
Is it really that intimidating and scary?
Is it a rational or irrational fear?
It helps to know you are not alone and fear is definitely a ONE-SIDED FENCE.
Rest assured, you CAN get over any fears that are holding you back.
You need to let your faith be bigger than your fear.
Let your life and choices reflect these hopes and dreams.
Decide you want these hopes and dreams more than you fear anything else.
What would you try if you had no fear?
The same question applies to a lack of confidence or the act of procrastination and so on.
Honestly what would you or could you do if you nipped this obstacle in the bud?
Think about the simplicity and enormity of this one question.
One important note to consider – your largest fear carries your greatest growth so you need to stop letting these fears rule your life.
The fears you don’t face become your limitations.
There’s an excellent chance everything you are after is on the other side of that one-sided fence.
All the treasures you want, all the wonders you seek, all the dreams you hope to fulfil – they are all within your reach if you are willing to feel the fear and do it anyway.
You need to be willing to put those fears aside and tackle your other mindset issues so you can LIVE your life and finally do what you were put on this earth to do.
Remember fear or a lack of confidence is nothing more than a state of mind.
And you can conquer almost any mindset issue if you will only make up your mind to do so.
Don’t let you fear of what could happen make nothing happen.
I truly believe our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate but that we are powerful beyond measure.
And it is time to prove to the world just how courageous and powerful you really are.
If the issue that is holding you back from your dreams today is just YOU – if you are the only thing standing in your own way – I want you to feel happy about this fact, even if it’s a daunting prospect.
Fear is just a feeling and you can get over it.
Because it means YOU are the one in control.
You get to decide where to focus your intentions on, you get to decide what to work on and improve and what changes to make.
Trust me, you don’t want to come to the end of your life and realise that for so many years you were your own worst enemy.
Because there are things you can do now, do today, to improve your mindset and get you feeling more focused, confident and courageous so you can get to where you need to go.
So now that you have learned this important tip – that our mindset can be improved at any point in time to help you move closer to your goals, we can move on to talk more about HOW to get you where you need to go in video 3 and how to tackle that hurdle so you can finally, finally slash that dream-killer monster.
NOW FOR HURDLE #3
So now that we know that feeling discomfort is normal and we have learned the necessity of stepping outside our comfort zone to achieve our dreams and that fear and other negative mindset issues can be tackled constructively with focus, intention and a required attitude shift we are going to look at the final piece of the puzzle which is all about working out how to get you to your goal.
And my friend you probably have already guessed that this lesson will involve encouraging you to take action.
When all is said and done, everything you learn in fact is life is just a waste if you don’t take action and apply all the new tools, skills and knowledge to your own life.
If you are not convinced this is true consider the following scenarios:
- What’s the point of having an amazing idea for a book if you don’t write it?
- What’s the point of having an amazing voice if you don’t use it?
- What’s the point of having the potential to be the best artist in the world if you don’t ever pull out a paintbrush to paint?
- What’s the point of having a great business idea if you don’t start it?
ACTION IS HONESTLY EVERYTHING.
- Knowing is not enough – you need to apply it.
- Being willing is not enough – you need to actually do it.
- You need to be willing to not just talk the talk but walk the walk.
We all probably know someone who annoys us by constantly telling us what they are planning to do in life but then they never actually TAKE ACTION.
They are full of great ambitious ideas but their ideas are like floating clouds – there is no foundation to them at all.
These ideas drift away aimlessly and are never seen again.
They are never brought to fruition.
They are never acted on.
They are just spoken WORDS without any weight or proof or life to them.
I cannot state the importance of taking action nothing.
It’s the difference between being alive and truly living.
It’s the difference between a dream and actually making it a reality.
HERE ARE SOME IMPORTANT THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT TAKING ACTION:
- Action is the foundational key to all success.
- The only difference between success and failure is the ability to take action.
- Your future depends on what you do today. Think less and take more action. How we spend our days is how we ultimately spend our lives.
- You are what you do, not what you say you will do!
- “Going with the flow” is for some people an excuse for not taking action – stop procrastinating and stop making excuses. They are choices you make OVER taking action.
- Taking no action is actually still a conscious choice you make. Choose to do something different!
- You need to take action to see your rewards. Do nothing and get nothing.
What we think or what we know or what we believe is in the end of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. John Ruskin
HERE’S THE COLD HARD TRUTH
- Imperfect action is better than perfect inaction. Just start. Just do something – do anything rather than doing nothing at all.
- If you want to know who you truly are – don’t just ask questions. Take actions. Your actions will define you – just as your inaction will begin to define you.
- Doing is completely different from IMAGINING. If nothing changes, nothing changes. NOTHING HAPPENS UNTIL YOU TAKE ACTION!
- You take action based on where you want to be, not based on where you are right now. The distance between dreams and reality is called action.
- Do what you can with what you have where you are. Learning is not watching a video. Learning is taking action and seeing what happens. Seth Godin
- If you wait for everything to be perfect before taking action on your dream, you’ll never take the first step. You will always feel a bit scared and anxious and not ready – move through those feelings and do it anyway!
- The only way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. Do what you are afraid to do. Want to write a book – write a page a day and end up with 365 pages at the end of the year. You are your own master; you can change what happens by taking action.
So HERE’S HOW TO TAKE ACTION
- Get up and do the thing you need to do, even if you don’t feel like doing it, even if you are scared. Feel the fear and do it anyway. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!
- Smart small if you need to but take consistent steps every day that take you closer to your goals and dream.
- YES TAKE ACTION EVERY SINGLE DAY. Make it your priority to act with intention, stop making excuses and wasting time.
- If you have identified mindset issues that keep getting in your way, make a strategic plan to tackle them.
- Write down your goals and make them SMART goals – which are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and have an appropriate time frame.
- Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take the action. Don’t wait until you feel like taking positive action. Take the action even if you don’t feel like doing it. Take the actions and your feelings will change.
LIFE IS SHORT. YOUR TIME IS NOW.
What are you waiting for?
Honestly what are you waiting for?
I’m also share with you one really important piece of advice.
In the end you are what you do, not what you say you will do.
What is the point if a friend tells you he’s planning to build a waterfront mansion or walk across the Great Wall Of China if he doesn’t actually get off his bottom to do those things.
Action always beats intention.
It doesn’t even mean anything if I tell you that you are full of amazing potential if you don’t at least get up and try to realise a fraction of that potential in your daily life.
What’s holding you back?
What are you so scared of?
In our quest to achieve our dreams we really do need to jump over the three hurdles discussed in order to live life from a healthier mindset and place.
Ask yourself now – if you were to look into the future – let’s say one or five years from now – what would your life look like if you failed to put in 100% effort?
What would you like to see happen, and what’s your current plan to take you there?
Do you even have a plan?
As Peter F. Drucker once so wisely said, unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.
A goal without a plan is just a wish.
Imagine how your life would be different if you lived a life that reflected all your hopes and dreams.
Once you understand that discomfort is normal, a strong mindset and taking action is vital you can finally begin to start chasing your dreams.
So take this all in and I will catch you in the next episode.
Before You Go…
- Grab your free gift: How To Stop Self-Sabotaging Yourself Guide (4 steps to finally get out of your own way) CLICK HERE
- Decide which course will suit you best CLICK HERE
- Listen to my Inspiring Mom Life podcast on Spotify or via Apple Podcasts.
With a degree in psychology, Frances Vidakovic is a certified life coach, course creator and host of the Inspiring Life Podcast. Her superpower is transforming dreamers into doers with simple, kick-up-the-butt strategies.
