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INSPIRING LIFE SCHOOL PODCAST

EPISODE  51 – FROM ONE MOM TO ANOTHER

 

 

dream big my friend podcast

 

 

 

INSPIRING LIFE SCHOOL PODCAST

EPISODE 51 TRANSCRIPT:

FROM ONE MOM TO ANOTHER

 

 

WELCOME TO THIS EPISODE WHICH IS ALL ABOUT ADVICE I HAVE TO SHARE FROM ONE MOM TO ANOTHER

 

So I wrote this piece after my ninth night sleeping on a hospital couch, next to my 14-year-old son who recently had spinal surgery and all that time away from home gave me lots of time to think…

I will be sharing with you my thoughts and feelings from that night and I have to say: it might feel like a bit of a dear diary moment but that’s okay. This is one journal entry I am actually excited to share with you guys.

 

So all that time sitting in a hospital with next to zero WIFI and distractions gave me lots of time to really reflect on life and the nature of parenthood.

 

It has made me remember a time when my kids were still little and older parents used to warn me:

“Watch out, these years will pass by quickly and in the blink of an eye it will all be over…”

 

I remember thinking these strangers were crazy delusional liars.

 

Who were they trying to kid?

Back when my kids were still babies and toddlers, a whole day felt like a week and a whole week felt like a month.

I would crawl into bed every night, exhausted beyond belief, trying to work out where or how I would muster enough energy to do this all again tomorrow.

The whining.

The tears.

The constant following around the house and need for attention.

 

It felt like it would never end…

 

And then just as predicted, in what felt like a blink of an eye, the stranger’s warning came true.

My kids somehow time-travelled through the years and appeared before me as a 14 and 16-year-old.

I see moms now walking down the streets with their baby carriers or pushing prams and my mind goes blank.

Was I once one of them?

I can’t actually remember my kids ever been that small.

I literally can’t picture those moments in my mind, without them feeling as if it is a distant old dream I made up in my own head.

 

It’s as if that period of parenthood happened to another person not me.

 

Or a me that existed a lifetime ago and I can’t accurately pinpoint where the before and after marker lies.

To help dig out those long-lost memories, I take a look again at old photos and I can see tangible proof of its existence.

There it is before me…

A time when my kids were still happy to smile at the camera with their gorgeous cherub faces (rather than rolling their eyes and insisting I put my phone away).

It’s only now that I realize that those strangers weren’t lying to me.

 

 

The years go fast but the days go slow.

 

 

It’s like my son once said, on the last day of our 7-week holiday to Europe a few years ago.

He was upset about leaving, about the holiday coming to an end.

He turned to me and said:

“What if this is what life is like…

You think you have enough time to do everything you want….

But then you come to the end and realise time went too fast and it’s all over.”

When he said these oh-so-wise words, goosebumps crept up and down my arms.

He was right.

In the end life is short and it will all be over one day.

None of us live forever.

 

We all have an expiry date.

 

And yet I smiled and assured him that he had nothing to worry about for now. 

After that I blinked my eyes for another moment and when I reopened them again that 11-year-old who spoke those words to me had grown and changed even more.

My kids are now taller than me.

Their voices have changed.

They have strong personalities and opinions about things that I literally have no idea where they came from.

I am no longer their main teacher in life.

 

The teen years is that limbo land period when the invisible umbilical cord is cut for the first time.

 

 

You are left holding the cord, wishing your kids will never let go of the other side.

And yet it sits dangling there on the ground and sometimes they step all over it.

 

It honestly feels like they are crushing a broken-off piece of your heart.

 

You of course – theoretically, logically, deep down – that it’s healthy for teens to exert their independence, to slowly begin to stretch their wings so they can leave the nest one day and fly…

Yet in practice it’s hard.

You secretly miss those days when all they wanted was a kiss or to sneak into bed with you for a cuddle, because you were their EVERYTHING and center of their world back then.

But those days are long gone.

 

No amount of wishful thinking will ever bring those days back to you.

 

No one warns you about the period of grief that washes over you when your last child starts high school.

It catches you by surprise.

By now you know the deal.

Those strangers weren’t lying.

The days go slow but the years go fast…

The next stop that the train of life will drop your kids off at is adulthood…

And who knows what will follow after that?

Our little babies reaching freaking adulthood…how did that even happen?

 

You yourself still feel young inside, even if your face has aged, but your kids are now old.

 

If I had to share a few tips with moms who are still in the throes of those early years, where you don’t believe me when I say this awaits you too in the future, here is what I have to say:

It’s okay if you think you are imperfect. ALL MOMS HAVE FLAWS.

But that doesn’t mean you aren’t the perfect parent for your child. You were paired together because you were meant to be together.

You were put on this Earth to do your best with the tools you have…nothing more, nothing less, even if your best days often involve feeling impatient, overwhelmed and tired. Just do your best and that is enough.

All those things you stress and worry about…like whether your child is sleeping through the night yet, toilet-trained yet, walking yet, talking yet. reading yet…they don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.

Every child gets there in the end.

 

And if things by chance DON’T turn out the way you expect them to, everything will still be okay.

 

Because deep inside you will find this crazy internal strength if you look within and this strength will enable you to not just to cope, but to prosper and live a beautiful life no matter what life deals you.

Like for me, my son was diagnosed with a degenerative neuro-muscular disease at age 3 that saw him requiring a wheelchair by age 6. I never imagined that this situation could be a blessing in disguise.

I never could’ve guessed how much more amazing my life would be as a result of this diagnosis. 

 

Things to ditch:

 

Mom guilt, comparing yourself to others, comparing your kids to others, pointing fingers rather than owning your mistakes, thinking you need to do it all, thinking you need to have the perfect, mess-free home, thinking things outside of you can make you happy when happiness actually comes from within.

 

Things to embrace:

 

Your kid’s quirks (that’s what makes them special), the ups and downs (just like the world has seasons so too does your life), a little mess (see it as a sign of a well-lived-in, loving home), forgiveness and compassion for yourself and family members (like you, your kids and loved ones are also doing the best they can in this world) and most importantly self-care (because you can’t take care of anyone else well until you have taken care of your own physical and mental health.

As much as it is alarming to wake up one day and notice that your life has seemingly sped past you, there is an upside to this wake-up call.

Things change the moment you have this realisation, whether you are aged 30, 40, 50, 60 or older.

 

From that moment on, you realise you don’t want to take anything for granted anymore.

 

Life is short and time is precious.

The only way to make the most of your life is to make the most of each day and hour and minute.

 

Every moment counts and you make it count by living intentionally.

 

You now know your words are powerful.

So you choose your words wisely.

You now know that your actions have the power to steer you in whichever direction you choose.

So you think twice about the consequences of your actions.

You now know that this time with your kids is precious.

So you choose to be more loving, more kind, more forgiving, more accepting, whenever you can – which is always.

 

It doesn’t mean you won’t stuff up at times.

 

It doesn’t mean you won’t experience the full range of human emotions (you will because that’s part of being a human).

But when you know better you can do better.

As they say the days are slow but the years go fast.

But let’s choose to focus on the first part of that sentence so when the years do pass, we know we have lived them well.

 

The days are slow but full when you don’t take them for granted.

 

 

The days are slow but full when you appreciate each second with your loved ones.

When you live in this intentional way, when each day passes you won’t look so regretfully back at it as it slips away.

Instead, you will know you have embraced the day with grace – all of it, the good and bad times, the craziness and the lulls, the testing moments and the easy ones.   

 

 

You will look at your kids each day and know “this is it, right now, I WILL NEVER HAVE THIS MOMENT AGAIN.”

 

 

It’s like a little voice in your head doesn’t ever want you to forget this truth again.

Even if it isn’t easy, even if it isn’t picture-perfect, even if you are being stretched in ways you never imagined you would be forced to grow, you choose to embrace it all.

Here’s the thing: we can never press the pause or rewind button in life but that’s okay.

As a mom all you can do is appreciate and live each moment well because that button really is permanently stuck on record…

 

Your life is happening now so smile and press play.

 

So there you have it…some words from the heart for other moms out there.

As always thanks so much for being here with me. I love and appreciate you all and can’t wait to catch you in the next episode.

 

 

 

Before You Go…

 

  • Grab your free gift: How To Stop Self-Sabotaging Yourself Guide (4 steps to finally get out of your own way) CLICK HERE
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  • Listen to my Inspiring Mom Life podcast on Spotify or via Apple Podcasts.