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INSPIRING LIFE SCHOOL PODCAST

EPISODE  54 – WHY YOU’RE SO NEGATIVE

 

 

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EPISODE 54 TRANSCRIPT:

WHY YOU’RE SO NEGATIVE

 

 

WELCOME TO THIS EPISODE WHICH IS ALL ABOUT WHY YOU ARE PRIMED TO FEEL NEGATIVE

 

 

So, I am really excited to speak about this topic because I honestly think your life will become so much easier when you know this information about why you are primed to feel negative in life.

The goal is for you guys    to be able to come back and revisit this episode over and over again whenever you need some clarity when you feel negative in life.

 

So, this conversation starts with as having a chat about our primitive brain or what some experts call the old brain which is wired for survival.

 

This part of our brain is the oldest part which is designed all the most basis functions in life including breathing, our heart rate, food digestion, sleeping and most importantly – when it comes to relating to this episode – our attention.

As you can see all those things – such as keeping our bodies breathing, our hearts beating, our bodies primed to have rest via sleep and digesting foods – are what we need at the most basic level to survive in this world.

 

But the most we will be looking at today is the attention part of our primitive or old brain.

 

Our primitive brains are wired to keep us alive and, in the past, this involved being on the lookout for danger.

Think back to the days when cavemen existed – they had to be on the lookout constantly with their attention on high alert to survive.

They were primed to be aware whether there were any predators around that could eat them for dinner. Back then fear kept them safe.

It kept them from stepping outside their comfort zone, from taking stupid risks, from doing things that potentially put their life at risk.

Now fast forward to today.

 

Even though our life today is vastly different from the world that the cavemen lived in we still have that part of our primitive brain that exists to keep us safe.

 

It is there to make sure we don’t do anything dangerous; it is primed to be alert for negative situations that could transpire.

That primal brain of your brain which is your hindbrain and medulla is responsible for your survival, for your instinct and your drive.

When it is engaged and kicked into gear, the other part of your brain – which is your prefrontal cortex or modern brain – sort of takes a backseat.

So just to remind you your prefrontal cortex is the part of your brain that helps you set and achieve goals.

It helps you with reasoning and problem solving and clear thinking.

We love this part of our brain nowadays because it’s the part that helps us to grow and dream big and chase our goals.

But as I mentioned before, all of this great brain functioning gets switched off for a bit when the primitive part of your brain decides that it has noted danger in the air.

 

The biggest issue is that the perceived dangers we often face in the real world are not real dangers at all.

 

Generally speaking, our lives nowadays are a lot different from the way humans lived millions of years ago.

The early humans used to live in caves and they were hunters and gathering.

Every day for them was a struggle because their personal safety was an ongoing concern and genuinely under threat.

They could be attacked at any moment by a predator.

Or another human could come past and challenge them for any of their possessions or territory.

 

Nowadays we sleep in beds and have houses with a front door that locks.

 

And there are laws that exist to protect us from harm and our properties from being stolen from us and keep our communities running smoothly.

We can now go to the shops to buy food and we have air cons and heaters to keep us warm during winter and cool during summer etcetera.

 

Generally speaking our lives are a lot safer than they were millions of years ago.

 

But – and yes this a very big but – you still have that primitive part of your brain that is primed to be on the lookout for danger and negative situations.

We are wired to feel fear which in the past served to keep us safe as it protected us against perceived threat to our existence.

Whereas in the past that fear was real, humans now experience a range of different fears that still contribute to that “fight or flight” response within in.

Some of our fears we can sort of understand like fear of heights, fear of spiders and snakes, fear of being in a small space that we can’t easily escape – because our ancestors struggled with the same fears and back then our fears kept us safe.

 

But now we experience fear of public speaking, fear of success, fear of stepping outside our comfort zone, fear of failure, fear of what other people think, fear of imperfection, that are learned fears in today’s society.

 

Because in reality we won’t die if we speak in front of an audience – the worst thing that can happen then is that we will experience discomfort and some negative emotions and that’s it.

The same applies to failure.

If you fail nowadays the worst that can happen is that you experience failure and some more negative emotions and that’s it.

You can pick yourself and start again and all would be well.

Fear of success is another interesting one that often comes back to the fact that deep down we don’t really believe that we are worthy of that success so it’s easier to keep yourself thinking small rather than big.

And as for caring what other people think – there’s no real danger there but instead the fear exists because we don’t want to look stupid or silly or not accepted by others.  

 

Yet even though those fears do not protect us from dying these imagined dangers still feel real to us.

 

This is the new version of a perceived threat or danger to us, that still brings about a physiological reaction inside our bodies and makes us want to run or hide or do whatever we can to avoid the situation.

It’s important to understand that in many instances these new fears are a learned behavior and we can actually overcome them by choosing to think something different about the perceived threat.

Sure, fear as an emotion will always exist because it is a natural, powerful primitive emotion and automatic response that causes our bodies to respond in a specific way such as increased heart rate, sweating, nausea etc.

 

But we now have the power and knowledge to understand that these emotional fears can be managed with intentional thought work.

 

 

And the same truth applies to thinking negatively on a day-to-day basis.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you wake up and your focus falls on all the things around you that aren’t quite right, that could be fixed, to seek out faults and you generally just feel negative?

I remember learning about this when I am doing my psychology degree and thinking “oh my gosh!

Is this actually normal?”  

 

This feeling is officially called NEGATIVITY OR NEGATIVE BIAS which is our tendency to pay more attention to the bad things around us rather than focusing on the good.

 

 

Once again this is the result of evolution because once upon a time this bias used to keep us safe.

Our brains are hardwired to look for the negative also known as threats, because if you were eternally optimistic and trusted everyone back then and never assumed the worst could happen, there is a good chance that you wouldn’t have lasted as long as some of your more cautiously pessimistic peers.

So even though we dislike it when our brains go to this default place of judging or criticising people or we wish we wouldn’t notice the negative stuff or look at things with a negative eye, I just want you to know that these feelings are totally normal.

You aren’t weird.

You aren’t mean.

You aren’t a lost cause.

 

All you are is a totally normal human being and just like every single human being in this world, you have been hardwired this way.

 

 

So, if there’s one thing I want you to take away from this episode it’s the fact that these feelings of noticing the negative and feeling negative at times is TOTALLY NORMAL.

This is the way that humans have been hard wired.

But of course, we aren’t living in caves anymore and that primitive part of our brain is just ONE part of our brain.

We are use our prefrontal cortex to help shift our attention back to what we want to achieve in our life.

 

We can recognise that those negative thoughts exist, say hello, how are you and after you have sat with it for a moment, let it go.

 

Just because a negative thought enters your mind does not mean you need to entertain it; it does not mean you need to make it your new BFF and invite it over for dinner or keep it company for the next 10 years. Instead say hello, have a little conversation – don’t resist it, allow it instead to say its piece and then bid it farewell.

 

 

I actually found this great quote by Anneli Rufus which explains negativity basis so well.

It goes like this:

 

We can change our brains, but it takes time and diligence, because the human brain has a built-in “negativity bias” whereby it stores and learns from negative experiences far more readily and lastingly than it stores and learns from positive ones.

This is a natural survival strategy by which the body records danger signs for future reference.

It is far more useful for an evolving creature to remember Hungry lions bite than to remember Flowers are pretty.

Thus we are neurologically wired to remember more vividly and lastingly a bad experience—say, a public scolding—than to remember a good experience—say, hitting a home run—that occurred on the same day, even if both experiences carried exactly the same emotional intensity for us at the time.”

 

 

So there you have it.

Hopefully you now have a better understanding of why you might sometimes feel primed to look for the negative stuff in life.

It’s totally normal and now that you know this negativity bias exists you can consciously retrain your mind to look for the positive stuff instead.

It takes time and work but it is well worth the effort.

 

In the meantime, just grant yourself some grace when you notice yourself feeling negative.

 

Feeling negative really is just another reminder that you are a normal human.

We can of course work together at flipping the switch to a more positive attitude but just know this is the default human tendency to pay more attention to the negative stuff, and when it happens you are behaving like a totally normal human being.

The good news is we can correct the brain’s built in negativity bias by spending even more time focused on all the good things around us.

This “positive-thinking” muscle is like any muscle in your body – it gets stronger and stronger the more you consistently you exercise it.

As always thanks for much for being here with me.

I love and appreciate you all and can’t wait to catch you in the next episode.

 

 

 

Before You Go…

 

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