INSPIRING LIFE SCHOOL PODCAST
EPISODE 2
THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, ACTIONS
INSPIRING LIFE SCHOOL PODCAST
EPISODE 2 TRANSCRIPT:
THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, ACTIONS
Welcome to this episode which is all about thoughts, feelings and actions.
I cannot thank you enough for joining me for this show. I hope you are having the loveliest day so far.
Now if you were looking for some light-hearted fun, I should warn you that today we will be talking about one of the most life-transforming topics which is the connection between your thoughts, feelings and actions.
For some it will be a reality check; for others maybe a lightbulb moment, and for those already familiar with thought-work I’m hoping it will remind you to always, always keep your thoughts in check.
So let me start this lesson with a little story that involves me stepping back in time quite a few decades ago.
Back then, almost twenty five years ago, I was a wide-eyed student super excited about starting my psychology degree at a university here in Sydney Australia.
Even at the age of 17, I was obsessed with the study of human mind and what makes people tick. I also probably thought I had a pretty good idea about the subject.
But I have to admit when I sat in my very first cognitive psychology lecture I was still totally blown away by what I heard.
And it was this:
THOUGHTS = FEELINGS = ACTIONS =RESULTS
Those three words were shared with me in my very first Psych 101 lesson and I have never, ever forgotten the way they hit me like a ton of bricks.
I want you to think right now about what I’m telling you a little more deeply.
YOUR THOUGHTS impact YOUR FEELINGS which consequently impact YOUR ACTIONS.
In this model of psychology, all three are connected and influenced by each other.
Let’s start by looking at your thoughts.
Your thoughts are the words that run through your mind.
These are the things that you tell yourself every day, all day, about what is going on in the world around you.
Now you need to remember people can have a million different thoughts about the same situation but all that matters right now are the thoughts YOU HAVE running through your head.
Now let’s move onto FEELINGS.
Feelings are the emotions you feel as a direct result of the thoughts you have in your head.
You can feel happy or sad, angry or frustrated which are due solely to the thoughts that made you feel a certain way.
We often think that it’s a particular situation that brings on the onslaught of emotions in us without realizing that we skipped a pertinent step and ignored the thoughts we must have had FIRST in order to bring that feeling to life.
Now let’s look at ACTIONS.
Actions are the things we do or the way we behave, which is always as a result of the way we feel.
We do our homework or exercise when we feel motivated.
We sulk and behave childishly when we feel upset.
We celebrate when we feel happy.
We lash out when we feel like someone has hurt us and so on.
I also like to add RESULTS to the end of the equation because I really feel like actions = results.
More specifically good actions = good results and bad actions = bad results.
So let’s look at a few examples using this Cognitive Triangle model:
THE SITUATION: Not being invited to a party on Saturday night. Now I am going to share with your five different thoughts you could have about this neutral circumstance and demonstrate how these different thoughts would lead to a different result in your life.
EXAMPLE 1
THOUGHT = I wasn’t invited to the party because everyone hates me
FEELING = Upset and depressed
ACTION = Crying over a tub of ice-cream
EXAMPLE 2
THOUGHT = She isn’t a super close friend which is why I wasn’t invited
FEELING = Acceptance
ACTION = Making plans to do something else fun on the night
EXAMPLE 3
THOUGHT = Oh I finally have the night free so I can do something romantic with my boyfriend
FEELING = Loving
ACTION = Going out for a romantic dinner and movie night instead
EXAMPLE 4
THOUGHT = I don’t know the party host well enough yet so I should make the effort to do so
FEELING = Determined
ACTION = Calling host to invite her to dinner next week
And now our final EXAMPLE 5
THOUGHT = She’s purposely trying to humiliate me by leaving me out
FEELING = Angry
ACTION = Writing a pointed post about fake friends who leave people out on Facebook.
Now as you can see, each of those actions was directly tied to the way the person felt about the event and the different feelings arose due to the different thoughts they had about the situation.
It is the same situation but different thoughts which led to different feelings and different actions.
Can you start to see just how important thoughts can be?
Have you ever pinpointed before what exact thoughts you are having that are arousing your negative feelings such as anger, jealously, resentment or regret?
What specific thoughts led to you feeling that particular feeling?
Once again you need to understand that WE CANNOT CONTROL OUR CIRCUMSTANCES NOR CAN WE CONTROL WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO.
In addition to this I want to make sure that we are quite clear that we understand that a circumstance is just an event and it doesn’t have any additional meaning until we give it meaning with our thoughts.
You may have gotten a particular grade on a test or missed out on a job or not received an invite to a party but none of these things mean anything until we attached meaning to it with our thoughts.
They are simply events and circumstances that have taken place and we can chose to think it’s the greatest thing that has happened in the world to us or the worst thing in the world.
Every individual in this world will potentially think something different about an event and that is their prerogative.
This is often the case with siblings who were raised in a dysfunctional family.
One child can think and believe they had the most destructive childhood and this allow this damage to permanently destroy their future.
Another child can think it was crap, yes, but they move on from it, using it as fuel to fire their desire to do better and be better than their own parents.
Yet another child can think it was nothing at all and they are oblivious and immune to any potential damage.
Same household, same parents, same circumstances yet a completely different outcome for each child and this often will vary according to what each kid thinks in their head about their upbringing.
Once again you need to understand that WE CANNOT CONTROL OUR CIRCUMSTANCES NOR CAN WE CONTROL WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO.
In addition to this I want to make sure that we are quite clear that we understand that a circumstance is just an event and it doesn’t have any additional meaning until we give it meaning with our thoughts.
Now here’s the great news:
YOU CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS.
Yes that’s right – you do!
In fact, that is the one and only thing you had total power and control over.
Positive thoughts generate positive feelings and attract positive life experiences.
Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.
JUST TO SUMMARIZE
YOUR THOUGHTS EQUAL WHAT YOU THINK
And what we think affects how we feel and act
YOUR FEELINGS/FEELINGS EQUAL WHAT YOU FEEL
And how we feel impacts what we think and do
YOUR ACTIONS ARE HOW YOU ACT
And what we do does impacts how we think and feel
As Buddha once so wisely said, what you think you become.
What you feel you attract.
What you imagine, you create.
Your thoughts are honestly the architects of your destiny.
They truly, truly do have tremendous power. You can make or break your entire world with your own thinking.
You need to know this and understand this – right down to the core of your soul.
What you give power to, has power over you if you allow it.
The past is over so it doesn’t have any power over you anymore unless you allow it to.
If you don’t control what you think, you can’t control what you do.
The thoughts of this very moment are creating your future.
And a negative mind will never, ever give you a positive life.
Just remember that!
SECRET TIP TO IMPROVE YOUR FEELINGS
Now I’m going to interrupt this train of thought to share with you a secret tip about feelings.
Now I know I said that your feelings are usually a result of your thoughts which is typically the case.
And I have to say – I personally never questioned this premise until I went to an Anthony Robbins seminar last year and he completely shifted my perception on this theory.
Tony stated at this seminar that music also has the incredible potential to alter our state or feelings.
Let me ask you a question now.
Have you ever been driving, focused on maybe getting to work on time or collecting the kids from school and a song came on the radio that you hadn’t heard for a while and it completely dredged up all these nostalgic feelings in you?
Maybe it was your wedding song or a song you danced to as a crazy teenager or a ballad that you listened to and cried over when you broke up with your first boyfriend – whatever the case, it instantly transported you back to a time and place that existed back in the past.
Hearing that song made you FEEL something, even though you weren’t thinking about that event only seconds ago but nonetheless it still brought back a rush of unexpected strong feelings.
Test it out now.
Think of a song that makes you feel happy.
A song you love to sing or dance to.
Play it out loud.
How does it make you feel?
Does it have an impact on your mood?
The reason I am discussing this and devoting a whole lesson to this idea is because I feel like this is something we can use to our advantage.
If music has the power to influence our feelings and our mood why not create the perfect motivational playlist, filled with our most favorite songs ever?
Why not listen to these songs when we first wake up or whenever we are driving to help put us in a great mood and positively shift our attitude?
The other thing that Tony mentioned that night was the idea that EMOTION IS CREATED BY MOTION. That is, let’s just say you are feeling tired and overworked or simply in a bad mood.
I know I was feeling this way while I was at the second day of the seminar – I had a really bad sleep the night before and felt a massive migraine coming on.
Tony got us to test the theory by asking us to rate our level of current energy and I think I put myself at an optimistic 5 out of 10.
Then he started playing the loud and pumped-up music that he is so famous for incorporating into his seminars and he instructed us to all get up and dance like crazy – even if we weren’t in the mood (I know I wasn’t), even if we hated the song (I know it wasn’t my favorite), even if we didn’t feel like doing it (I know I didn’t).
Once we were done, he asked us to again rate our level of current energy and imagine my surprise when I noted that I felt like I had shifted up to a 7 out of 10.
All I had done to achieve that change was dance around for three minutes to a song I didn’t feel like dancing to but the improvement and shift in my mood was palpable nonetheless.
SOME IDEAS FOR LITTLE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO GET SOME MOTION HAPPENING INCLUDE:
- Dance around to one song
- Jump on a mini trampoline for 2 minutes (Tony mentioned this was something he did)
- Do 50 jumping jacks
- Do 10 pushups
- Do 20 squats
- Run up and down a flight of stairs two times
Do these actions a few times a day even if YOU DON’T WANT TO, even if your thoughts are telling you is the dumbest idea in the universe.
Do it anyway and be honest – let me know if it slightly improves your mood after having done so. If it works for you then you have just uncovered a secret way to help positively shift your mindset.
REMEMBER: MUSIC HAS THE POWER TO POSITIVELY ALTER YOUR MOOD – use this to your advantage!
MOTION ALSO IMPACTS EMOTION – also use this to your advantage!
As part of your homework for this episode I recommend creating a “feel good” playlist with at least 50 songs that you can listen to when you need to shift your perception.
And note down 5 activities you can force yourself to do for 2 minutes EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE IT just to get that rush of instant energy.
So make sure to state each day with the right positive attitude.
Be vigilant and keep your eye on your attitude like a hawk and if you feel yourself swaying down a path where your attitude has begun to feel more negative STOP IT IN ITS TRACKS.
In the end, you need to know that you are always in the driver’s seat of your life, steering yourself in the direction of your own choosing.
So where do you want to go?
Where do you want to end up and do you need to change your course to get there in the end.
Your thoughts are the most powerful indicator of where will you end up in life and the best reflection of your life as it stands.
Years ago, as a teenager, I read a quote that went as follows:
Marry the right person.
This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.
In fact it was sitting as rule one on the best 50 life tips to living a successful life and thirty years later it is still framed in the living room as my parent’s holiday home overseas.
At the time I thought this was the wisest thing I had ever heard and it prompted me to choose my future partner carefully (just for the record I picked well!).
But now that I’m older I think that the truth is actually even more refined.
It doesn’t just apply to choosing a life partner.
The same truth applies to your attitude.
I could rephrase that quote to say MARRY AND COMMIT TO THE RIGHT THOUGHTS BECAUSE THIS ONE DECISION WILL DETERMINE 90% OF YOUR HAPPINESS OR MISERY. Can you see how this could be true?
Your thoughts and ATTITUDE determines whether you will be happy or miserable in life. And as I will probably say a thousand times on this podcast.
YOU GET TO CHOOSE YOUR THOUGHTS.
Today you can choose to think lovingly about people or be annoyed by them.
You can choose to be forgiving or judgemental.
You can choose to productive or feel overwhelmed by everything around you.
Those feelings of love and compassion or overwhelm don’t just randomly pop into your head, without you doing anything to bring them on.
They are caused first by the thoughts you have chosen of your own free will to think.
If you haven’t yet read the book by Victor Frankl called MAN’S SEARCH FOR MEANING I really encourage you to buy or borrow it today.
It was written back in 1946 by Victor Frankl about his experiences as a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp during World War 2.
He describes that a man’s deepest desire is to find meaning in his life and if he can find that meaning, he can survive anything.
He also decided he was going to use his experience of great suffering in that concentration camp as an opportunity to make himself a better person.
He could have chosen to be bitter.
He could have chosen to be angry.
He could have chosen to be unforgiving or destroyed.
But instead he decided to think differently about his experience and these consciously chosen forms turned what most would say was a terrible experience into something valuable for him.
I love this quote by Frankl who said: everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
And you too can do the same.
If you are driving home today and someone cuts you off the road you can choose to think the driver is an asshole and be filled with rage or you can choose to think “man, he must be having a terrible day” and choose to have some compassion instead.
If you are up for a promotion and miss out you can choose to think your life is over because you didn’t get that job and feel depressed or you can choose to think this happened because something better is waiting for you in the future and feel hopeful instead.
If your partner speak harshly to you, you can think “oh great, what a selfish prick, he doesn’t appreciate anything I do, he always takes me for granted, he doesn’t even love me, because if he did he wouldn’t speak to me in this way” or you can think “he must have had a bad day today, I know exactly what that feels like so I will give him some breathing room.
Can you see how the results that come from those two different thoughts would equal different actions?
When you think reactively, you fuel the fire and just make things worse.
When you think with compassion, you tame the situation so that it becomes a little bump in the road that doesn’t trip you over.
In every example I have given you the circumstances don’t change, the circumstances are always neutral but you are the one giving meaning to the situation at hand.
And you can choose to think whatever you like about that situation.
And why not opt to think the thoughts that give you the result you want in life.
If you want to achieve results that are loving, think loving thoughts.
If you want to achieve results that require confidence, think confident thoughts.
All those three things – your thoughts, actions and results are intricately connected together and they all start with what you CHOOSE to think and the operative word here is CHOOSE.
So ask yourself now:
If you are feeling less than the best, what thoughts do you need to shift in order to give you the results you actually want in your life?
Are your current thoughts helping or hindering you?
What thoughts would help you improve your attitude?
What thoughts would bring you peace?
What thoughts do you need to let go of?
What thoughts do you need to hold onto tightly in order to succeed?
In the end it is all up to you. Don’t ever, ever, ever forget that your thoughts are always a choice and they are the all-important first domino that impacts your feelings, actions and results.
Grant yourself some grace on the days you feel low and think loving thoughts instead.
Because:
YOU DESERVE TO LIVE AN AMAZING LIFE.
YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH.
YOU WERE MADE FOR MORE.
I already know it and now it’s up to you to decide the same and come to a similar conclusion by simply choosing those thoughts.
Until next time guys, have a great day and I will catch you in the next episode.
Before You Go…
- Grab your free gift: How To Stop Self-Sabotaging Yourself Guide (4 steps to finally get out of your own way) CLICK HERE
- Decide which course will suit you best CLICK HERE
- Listen to my Inspiring Mom Life podcast on Spotify or via Apple Podcasts.
With a degree in psychology, Frances Vidakovic is a certified life coach, course creator and host of the Inspiring Life Podcast. Her superpower is transforming dreamers into doers with simple, kick-up-the-butt strategies.
