INSPIRING LIFE SCHOOL PODCAST
EPISODE 57 – STOP STRESSING
INSPIRING LIFE SCHOOL PODCAST
EPISODE 56 TRANSCRIPT
WELCOME TO THIS EPISODE WHICH IS ALL ABOUT HOW TO STOP STRESSING
Welcome to this episode which is all about how to stop stressing.
Now I know that the title of this episode might seem a little ranty but I promise – my goal is to give you some helpful tips on how to manage your stress moving forward.
It will also involve a little tough love because one of the hardest things for people to accept when it comes to stress is that they are the creators of their own misery.
I know, I know some of you guys will be insisting that this is in no way true.
You will want to show me your diaries as if it’s proof why you are so stressed.
Or maybe the proof lies in the video footage of your kids fighting or the messy state of your kitchen sink or the laundry basket that is filled to the brim with clothes that need to be ironed etc.
But in the end those situations are all NEUTRAL and stress comes from thinking stressful thoughts about those situations.
Another person could feel excited about a busy schedule because it means they get to do lots of fun things or feel relaxed about kids arguing because they think it’s normal or they might feel grateful at the sight of a full sink after a beautiful family meal together because they feel so lucky to have food or clothes to wear when we are speaking about the ironing baskets.
It’s hard for some people to accept that it isn’t those things that cause them stress but their own thoughts about those things.
Now I know that I have spoken a lot about mindset and thought work on this podcast.
One of my favorite episodes is MANAGING YOUR BRAIN so feel free to revisit that one if you want a deeper understanding of how your brain works.
But today we will be looking at the feeling of stress alone and what we can do to manage it.
Some common thoughts that lead to feelings of stress include:
- This is all too hard
- I have too much on my plate
- I can’t handle it
- I should do this
- I shouldn’t do that
- Everyone should stop doing what they are doing and do exactly what I want them to do
- And so on and so on and so on.
Now in reality there are a million different thoughts that cause people to feel stressed and overwhelmed and what stresses me out might not stress you out and vice versa.
I know in my business in the early days the thoughts that used to make me feel stressed were:
I should be able to get this all done today (though – side note: even Wonderwoman would have struggled to get it done in one day because my to-do list was unrealistically long)
Or I should be further ahead than I am (even though I was already doing so much with the time I had available to me)
Or I wish no one would bother me when I am in my creative work mode (even though of course my family would be interrupting me to help them with things they were used to me helping them with every day.)
In each of these instances can you see how it’s my thoughts that are generating and causing my pain, not the people or the circumstances around me?
I want things to be different and they are not and this expectation is entirely optional.
Now you might have to hang with me here while I try to take you to the other side where life will be less stressful and calmer.
The reason I am giving this so much thought at the moment is that I recently launched my massive MOM MINDSET REBOOT Workbook which is a one-of-a-kind coaching based guide to help you cope better with everything and anything that comes your way in life.
If you think your mindset could do with a reboot make sure to check out the shop page on DreamBigMyFriend.com because it’s currently priced so affordably as in everything I sell.
That’s sort of my philosophy right now with my products – that I want you guys to be able to access high-end tools at a fraction of its true value.
So anyway when I was working on this book I recognised that out of all the emotions a person could experience, stress was the one I often found I struggled with most often.
It would sort of sneak up on me by surprise and most of it stemmed from the expectation that I could achieve a superhuman amount of stuff each day which was fun when I did it without expecting to.
But when you start the day and think: I NEED TO DO ALL THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN TO HAVE A PRODUCTIVE DAY OTHERWISE IT’S A SUBPAR DAY then that pressure for me led to stress.
Now I don’t have an issue with allowing emotions to come to me and then working through it and processing it.
So for me I was fully aware that it was these thoughts that were causing me stress.
And I recommend that you too take the time to pinpoint exactly what thoughts are causing you stress.
Like be super specific.
Like if it’s a work project, are you worried you won’t get it done on time?
If someone is ill, are you thinking about losing that person?
Or paying medical bills?
Or not having the time to attend to their needs in addition to everything else?
Journal it out if you have to in order to get more clear.
Journaling is one of my favorite things to do whenever my mind feels like it’s getting too full and I need to do a brain-dump.
I want you to get a laser like focus on the exact thoughts that are causing you stress.
Are you really worried about the future?
About not knowing what will happen next?
This might sound like a really simplistic way of recognising and reframing your stress but it’s such a powerful start.
Because once you recognise the thoughts that contribute to those feelings of stress you can make a plan regarding what you can do next and decide if you want to create something else.
But you can’t do this if you don’t have that awareness in the first place.
If you don’t recognise that you are creating those stressful thoughts then you don’t understand that you have the power to change your thoughts.
Does that make sense to you?
So, let’s look at some useful thoughts you could choose to embrace whenever you are feeling stressed.
But remember when I say “feeling stressed” I really mean “you are thinking thoughts about the totally neutral situation that make you feel stressed and those thoughts are optional.”
You can choose instead to think I can figure this out.
You can choose to think I will stay calm even in the face of chaos.
You can choose to think challenges make me stronger.
You can choose to think ONE DAY AT A TIME, that’s all I’m going to be focusing on.
You can choose to recognise that you can do anything but you can’t do everything at once.
In some ways feeling stressed is actually an indulgent feeling because some people use it as an emotion to stay stuck.
You use it as an excuse to not move forward or find a solution.
We dwell in that space rather than fully recognising that there is little benefit to giving any thought space to things that you cannot control or change.
Sometimes it’s important to step outside of your body – hypothetically obviously – and take a good look at how you are managing your life.
Remember and I can’t say this enough – stress doesn’t come from what’s going on around you or the people in your life.
It comes from the thoughts you are having about what’s going on around you and the thoughts you have about the people in your life.
One of the best places to start is by ditching the could haves and should haves from your vocabulary – both internally and out loud.
If you were supposed to do something you would have done it.
You don’t HAVE to do anything.
You are a human who can only do so much each day so make sure to give yourself a break.
That being said, stress is a different feeling from being worried or scared or sad or frustrated.
My favorite definition – because there are plenty of different ones out there – is the degree to which you feel overwhelmed or unable to cope as a result of pressures that are unmanageable.
And I just like to add that these pressures are perceived pressures.
But what if it is manageable?
I mean you always find a way to cope right?
Or if you don’t feel like you are coping well right now you do have a few options up your sleeve that you could embrace.
Like you could always say no to invites or requests.
You could delegate some tasks.
You could exercise to relieve some tension.
You could choose to do less.
You could choose to make peace a priority.
I think we sometimes forget that we have these options available to us.
Even I do too but when I get that reminder it’s like a heavy load is taken off my shoulders.
I can finally breathe again when I remember that it’s not stress or pressure that kills us; it’s our reaction to it.
I love the quote by Lou Holtz who said: it’s not the load that breaks you down but the way that you carry it.
So how are you carrying your load?
Are you carrying it with two hands?
Is it balanced on your back?
Have you stuck it in a wheelbarrow so that it’s easier to push?
Have you asked for help or do you put it down when you need a break?
It’s time to change the way you look at the supposedly stressful things in your life.
Keep in mind that whatever happens you will always be okay.
You will always fall back onto your feet.
If the pressure feels real to you why not use it to inspire and challenge you rather than see it as an obstacle so you just give up.
Quit procrastinating, quit delaying – a lot of people stress because they don’t do what needs to be done and they leave things until the last minute.
Stay calm and focus on your greater goal.
Another great quote by Catherine Pulsifer: “When you find yourself stressed, ask yourself one question: Will this matter in 5 years from now? If yes, then do something about the situation.
If no, then let it go.” I have to say I thought I came up with this gem myself because I used to say it all the time – only difference was I would say will it matter in 200 years because in that instance the answer is almost always NO.
If we think of stress as a pressure to get things done, then even though this is still a thought even if the deadline feels real to you – just know that this so-called pressure can still be managed well with proper time management and help.
You always have a choice with how you want to cope with any situation you face.
Or as Maya Angelou so wisely said:
“What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.”
So change the way you think about it.
Look for the good in the difficult.
Could it be a blessing in disguise?
How is this situation helping you to grow?
And so on.
Choose thoughts that make you feel stronger and more resilient rather than weakened by the feeling of stress.
So, I hope this has been helpful to you.
As always, I love and appreciate you all so thanks so much for listening.
I can’t wait to catch you in the next episode.
Before You Go…
- Grab your free gift: How To Stop Self-Sabotaging Yourself Guide (4 steps to finally get out of your own way) CLICK HERE
- Decide which course will suit you best CLICK HERE
- Listen to my Inspiring Mom Life podcast on Spotify or via Apple Podcasts.
With a degree in psychology, Frances Vidakovic is a certified life coach, course creator and host of the Inspiring Life Podcast. Her superpower is transforming dreamers into doers with simple, kick-up-the-butt strategies.
