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INSPIRING LIFE SCHOOL PODCAST

EPISODE  56 – MAKING DECISIONS | JUST DECIDE

 

 

dream big my friend podcast

 

 

 

INSPIRING LIFE SCHOOL PODCAST

EPISODE 56 TRANSCRIPT

 

WELCOME TO THIS EPISODE WHICH IS ALL ABOUT MAKING DECISIONS and how you actually do a disservice to yourself when you stay stuck in the land of indecision.

 

 

So, I don’t think any of us really need a definition of the term DECISION but if you want one, then no stress.

I reached out to Google who let me know that a decision is simply a conclusion or resolution reached after consideration or the action or process of deciding something or of resolving a question.

 

Just to make it clear – a decision usually involves two parts to the process.

 

First you think it through a question or dilemma and second you make a conclusion based on that thinking that you are hopefully happy with. 

For example, let’s say you need to work out how you want to spend your summer break.

First you consider your options (which were surely more plentiful pre-COVID), you might do some pros and cons and then you decide which is your best option.

Right now for us here in Sydney it would probably be to holiday somewhere within the state, close by, so we would probably choose a beach town up to three hours away depending on where properties are still available. 

 

In theory making a decision is quite simple, you do some research, make a logical guess about what is the best option and just decide.

 

But in practice it often stumps people up especially when there are more than two options to pick from.

This is a real psychological state that is called DECISION PARALYSIS or ANALYSIS PARALYSIS where a person overthinks and over-analyses the situation to the point that they don’t end up making a decision.

They have in effect paralysed themselves with their thoughts and remain stuck because they have over-complicated rather than simplified the process.

In the end because it feels too hard they don’t do anything at all.  

 

The first time I remember this happening to me was when I was 18 and I had saved $500 to buy myself a new stereo.

 

Back in the 90s listening to music was a big thing. I remember  spending hours in my room, just laying on the carpet, listening to my favorite albums over and over again back.

And by gosh it was so good when the album actually provided you with the lyrics so you didn’t have to guess what they were singing.

Remember there was no Internet back then.

If you didn’t buy the album, you had to sit and listen to the radio all day and hope that at some point they would play your favorite song.

Of course you would try to record the song onto your blank cassette but most of the time the quality was terrible and the radio host would talk over either the beginning or end of the song.

Sorry guys I digress for a moment but anyway I had saved my money because by that point you could no longer buy new release albums on record or vinyls, which is what I had – I had a big clunky system with a record player on top and cassette player on the bottom and no joke the speakers were at least one metre tall.

 

What I wanted instead was a new system that included a CD player which was the new big thing.

 

So I went to the shops with my $500 and if there was only one choice I would have happily bought it and gone home straight away.

But nope I think there were at least 10 options in my price range and I remember thinking HOW IN THE WORLD DO I CHOOSE?

I remember being faced with the obvious discrepancy between the different brands like Sony had a little system for $500 while TEAC was a cheaper brand that offered a much bigger system for the same amount of money.

I remember that played on my mind…like what if it’s cheaper or bigger because it’s worse.

I think I was there for an hour, stuck in indecision, not sure what I should do because I didn’t want to make a mistake, I didn’t want to make the wrong choice with my money.

I think in the end I bought a Sanyo which was the mid-priced option so I thought it was my safest bet but I remember for ages afterwards I wondered if I had really made the best choice.

 

So, before we move onto discussing how to get better at making decisions – which is something I am excellent at today, seriously I am the quickest decision maker ever – I want to quickly chat about why some people get stuck here. 

 

It often comes from this idea that there is ONLY ONE RIGHT DECISION to be made and if you make the wrong choice, it will somehow negatively effect or impact your life forever afterwards.

This is a good time for me to point out to you that this isn’t true. 

 

It’s possible that all the choices you make could be good ones for you. 

 

I could have picked the Sony or TEAC music system and had the exact same experience afterwards.

All three options would have played my music for me, I would have continued laying there on my bed or carpet, trying to memorise the lyrics or dancing around in front of my mirror with a hairbrush in hand.

It didn’t really matter which one I ultimately chose because I would have loved each stereo system with its fancy CD player, no matter what choice I made.

And when it comes to holidays in the future, it’s possible that I will have had a great time at whichever location I choose, because I have a great time no matter where I go. But we don’t always see things in that way.

 

We think there’s only one perfect answer and the others are all wrong.

 

Or we forget that we can change our mind if we aren’t happy.

We think THIS IS IT. I NEED TO GET THIS DECISION 100% RIGHT OR ELSE (what? I’m not entirely sure – will our life fall apart?).

We think it will take us down the wrong path, as if we somehow don’t have the option or power to turn around again.

So I should note now that I don’t really question my decisions anymore because I trust that I am making the best choice.

Of course there is a difference between small and big decisions.

So obviously making a decision between picking a shampoo in the grocery store is different from deciding what school to send your kids, but I wanted to share with you some of the strategies that I have found helpful in decision-making for me. 

 

Remember once upon a time I used to umm and ahh about everything.

 

It would take me forever to do my Christmas shopping for my family and friends because I wanted to get things perfect….I used to get stuck with writing because the words didn’t feel 100% right…but I’m sure you know what I think about perfection nowadays.

It doesn’t exist.

I quickly worked out that what I thought was a perfect gift or holiday destination or outfit or essay changed from day to day and it wasn’t necessarily what someone else thought was perfect, so I was chasing something that didn’t exist. 

 

Instead over the past few years I have decided to trust my gut and embrace what feels “good enough” and right for me right now.

 

I don’t sit and question my decisions. I just ask myself “what feels right for me right now?” and I sort of listen to what both my head and heart are saying.

I promise you, when you ask this question, one answer will usually be louder than another.

If the answer isn’t totally clear right away I will then give my brain a deadline to make a decision.

So rather than delaying the decision forever, I might say I’LL GIVE MYSELF TWO DAYS TO THINK ABOUT IT AND AT THE END OF THOSE TWO DAYS I WILL MAKE MY DEFINITIVE DECISION.

 

People assume that making decisions is hard but in actual fact it’s pretty simple.

 

You could flip a coin to decide.

Or you could randomly pick an answer out of a hat. It’s not the decision that is hard – it’s all your second-guessing about your choices that you do afterwards that is hard.

 

It’s the words you tell yourself before and afterwards that cause you grief.

 

  • Like I don’t know what to do.
  • I’m so confused.
  • It will be bad if I choose the wrong thing.
  • A wrong decision will negatively impact the rest of my life.

 

Ah I want to stop right here and remind you that these words are causing you stress not the decision itself.

There’s a good chance you are smart enough to immediately eliminate all the really bad choices from your list so when we get stuck it’s often because the choices are actually comparable and it’s hard to tell which is better because there is no real better there.

They are all good picks.

In this instance you could do an EENY MEENY MINY MOE counting rhyme and be happy with whatever option it lands on because once you have weeded out the bad, they are all good options.

 

But staying stuck in indecision is a decision itself to NOT DECIDE. 

 

Remember it’s actually easier to simply pick a goal and honor that commitment.

Because then you can begin to move forward and if something doesn’t work out you can pivot or try something else and it’s all just a learning experience.

 

But if you decide NOT to commit to a goal or make a choice, you risk living in a state of indecision instead and you are choosing to commit to staying stuck instead.

 

Yes – you heard that – indecision is actually a decision in itself but a terrible one because it doesn’t move you forward, it doesn’t allow you to grow, and it keeps you stuck and does nothing positive for you at all.

Saying I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT is actually a decision to not decide what you want just yet.

It isn’t helpful at all.

 

Either “decide something isn’t right for you and pick something that does get you feeling excited” or “commit to your first choice and go kick some ass” – don’t live in a state of I DON’T KNOW.

 

Just decide and learn to do it quickly. I can’t even begin to tell you how much more I now get done in my life because I make quick decisions and act them on quickly too.

I don’t um and ah about the silly stuff anymore. I set a time limit, decide and move on to the next point.

 

Life is actually a series of decisions and if you get stuck on the first square, it’s like playing a game of snakes and ladders, you will never get beyond the first roll of the dice.

 

But you want to keep moving and growing in life.

I always just ask myself what is my next right move and after that, what is my next right move again?

And the way that I define right nowadays is by the way it makes me feel.

It has to FEEL RIGHT.

You can just assume you are making the best choice.

You can just assume you have faith in your ability to make decisions.

You can just assume it’s okay to change your mind later on.

You can just assume that the other options will also look appealing and that’s okay too.

 

Now this doesn’t mean that following through on your decisions will be easy, especially when it comes to setting goals.

 

This doesn’t mean it won’t involve work or stress or challenges etc. 

Go all in.

When it comes to making decisions about goals and dreaming big, you owe it to yourself to commit to a goal that matters. When you commit to something you make it your priority in life.

You make it obvious to yourself and others that it is something you are committed to, but not half-heartedly but fully and deeply.

You have to throw yourself into the deep end and do whatever you can to swim.

Yes, commitment can be scary but you need to know that commitment = happiness and not the other way around.

You don’t need to be happy first before opting to commit – happiness comes from the act of commitment.

 

You need to remember that it’s COMMITMENT = that equals RESULTS.

 

You need to DECIDE what you want to do and make a COMMITMENT to that goal.

That’s the only way you will ever achieve those dreams.

By DECIDING and COMMITTING.

So, decide and commit to something special today. If you still need practice with this, practice often with making little decisions.

We do it all the time in fact but often don’t realise how good we are at it.

We decide what to wear each day, we decide what to have for dinner, we decide how to spend our weekends.

 

Over the years you have become a little decision-making genius so have enough trust in yourself when it comes to the best decisions too.

 

You usually know what you need to do so trust your good judgement.

You don’t need to listen to everyone else’s opinion on it, not everyone has to agree with you, just do what feels right for you.

If you have too many options, whittle it down to the top 3.

So whether you have 17 or 57 options I want you to be ruthlessly quick with deciding your top 3 options.

That will automatically take away some of the overwhelm because more options equal less choosing. 

After that you can write down a pro-cons list, maybe discuss it with one or two people who are excellent-sounding boards and have some authority on the subject – okay not just some random person like your mom or sister giving you business advice when they have never had a business before.

Think it through and just decide what is good enough for now.

Good enough will be good enough I promise. 

 

Once you have made the choice, commit to it and move on to the next part of your journey.

 

No more looking back, no more second-guessing if you made the right choice.

It was the right choice because you made it – it’s that simple!

No need to dwell on it anymore.

No need to overthink anything.

Trust in yourself more and keep moving forward. 

So, I hope this has been helpful to you.

As always, I love and appreciate you all so thanks so much for listening. I can’t wait to catch you in the next episode. 

 

 

Before You Go…

 

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